Phrases that Amuse Me

As promised, this blog will be lighter since the last one was a little – you know – wise.  GRIN!  So, this time I want to play with phrases that amuse me.  Before, I played with words that amuse me.  When you put words together into phrases, it really gets fun.  We use these phrases all the time without even thinking about them.  I don’t know where most of them got started but if you think about them literally, they can get downright funny!

“I’d be more than happy to help you.”  Really?  More than happy?  I wonder what that looks like?  Writhing on the floor grinning like a fool?  Giggle!  What is MORE than happy?  You got me there.

“He’s going down the tubes.”  What tubes?  Where are they because I don’t want to tumble down them.  What do they look like?  Where do they go?  Maybe I DO want to go down them – the ones at waterparks are fun!

“Ha, Ha, Ha! He got your goat that time!”  What goat?  I don’t have a goat!  If I had a goat, I wouldn’t let him have it!  I’d fight him for it!

“I’m just killing time.”  OMG!  I didn’t know you could kill time!  Does that mean I don’t get older?  Can I kill it backwards and get younger?

“I’m so mad I can’t see straight.”  So, does that mean you’re seeing crooked?  Wonder what that looks like?  Is everything sideways?  Zigzagged?  Whoa, sounds like a bad trip from the 60s.

“She was scared to death!”  On no!  I am so sorry she died…..  When is the funeral?  Can I do anything?  I’ll bring a casserole.

“I laughed my ass off!”  Now that has to look funny.  Especially looking from the side of you.  How do you sit down?  I don’t even want to think about how you go potty.

“I have a bone to pick with you.”  See, I saved it from Thanksgiving.  It’s a large legbone so we can both work on it together.  Plenty of meat still on it.

“Let’s do lunch.”  I don’t know what we will do to it, but let’s do it.  Maybe we will play with it.  You know, food fight or something.  Maybe we will cook lunch.

“She ran circles around her competitor.”  My, she must have gotten dizzy.  Must have made him dizzy, too.  Bet he was confused!  Guess it looked funny as well!

“Time is on my side.”  It’s not on your side, it’s on my side.  It follows me wherever I go, doing what I want, when I want. So there.

“She fell hard for him.”  Ouch!  How clumsy.  I hope she didn’t fall on a curb.  Or in front of a car.

Or in the tub, naked.

“He was dead as a doornail.”  Yep, a doornail is pretty much dead, if they still make them.  I’m guessing this one is definitely old.

This last one is a favorite giggle of mine, although not one that people use.  Mostly computer-generated voices, usually in automobiles.

“The door is ajar.”  Now, I guess that is supposed to mean your door is open.  Wise(ass) woman that I am, I answer, “No, the door is NOT a jar.  The door is a door.”

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